My mom skyped me yesterday (skype now being a verb in the
same way that google has now become a verb) and the first thing she said to me
is, “Where have you been?”
“What do you mean where have I been? Since I got back from
Switzerland a week and a half ago, I’ve been here, Mom.”
“No, I mean you’ve been silent”.
“I have not. I talked to you several times last week.”
“But you haven’t written your blog. It’s like you’ve dropped
off the face of the earth.”
I smiled to myself because I thought it was funny that my
mom looks forward to reading my blog when she can simply talk to me any time
she wants. And I put forward a few lame excuses like “I’ve just been so busy”,
or “it’s been so beautiful here I haven’t wanted to spend my days
indoors”.
But in fact, I finally had to admit that in light of all the
horrible things going on in the world today, the little details of my life
seemed just…so….little. Inane,
trivial, trifling…insignificant ( I know I’ve got a thesaurus on this
computer…I’m sure I can find more adjectives!). I’ve written pages in my head as well as in my pocket notebook that is with me at every moment. But the words have remained lodged in gray matter or between two laminated cardboard covers where I felt they belonged.
While in Switzerland I heard (tardily) the news from Japan.
I read a little about it but we didn’t have a television and, of course, I
couldn’t understand Swiss-German commentary on the radio or read the
newspapers. And I happily went on with my pleasures.
When I returned, however, I began watching the news.
Incessantly. French, American and British troops begin their strikes in Libya.
The Japanese people, devastated from their losses after the
earthquake and tsunami and the entire world in danger from the nuclear
power plant disaster. Syrians being murdered in the street because of
their basic human need for freedom. And I have continued to stare at the
television like a rubber-necker at a traffic accident.
My first year here in France, I was blissfully unaware of
the goings-on in the world. I had no television and, of course, I couldn’t read
the newspapers. I slept like a baby….for the first time in years. I haven’t
slept so well in recent weeks. Don’t get me wrong, I am not, by nature, a
worrier (I have my friend Mary to
do that for me). I have been blessed with an innate sense of optimism that I’m eternally
thankful for. But I’m beginning to
think that The News is a sort of insidious culprit that plots to steal my sense
of well-being.
My youngest son is a news hound. He reads 5 or 6 newspapers
daily. He is so much fun to talk to. He knows about everything…technology,
music, world events, history, art…and has very strong and fascinating
opinions. I always find myself
wishing I were as well informed as he is. I would be so much more…interesting.
But at the same time, he often appears stressed. Sometimes
when we’re discussing a political point or an environmental issue, he seems as
if he’s fallen into a hole…despondent and without hope. I have actually said to
him, “honey, you really need to stop reading so many newspapers”.
The question is, how does one establish some sort of
equilibrium? What is my responsibility as a citizen of the world and what is my
responsibility to myself and my personal psyche?
Bombs will continue to be dropped, innocents will go on
suffering, and we will persist in
degrading our environment, whether I know about it immediately or not. On the other hand, if all the world
keeps its eyes open (including me), freedom might possibly be gained by hundreds of
thousands of hopefuls in the middle-east and elsewhere, we might persist in
finding a way for the suffering to nourish and heal themselves, and if we pay
attention…really pay attention…we could find a way to exist on this planet
without insisting that we destroy it in the process.
I don’t know what the answer is but as of today, as an experiment, I’m going
on a mini-greve. The TV is off this morning. It’s going to stay off. My new
strike from the news is going to mean I probably won’t be able to participate
in meaty conversations about the current status of nuclear reactor #4, the
question of where Gaddafi really
is, why some dumb-ass French
minister referred to the situation in Libya as a “crusade” (please, monsieur, think about the connotations of the word crusade for the Arab world), or the fascinating
life of Elizabeth Taylor. It’s not that I don’t care about these things (this
excludes the fascinating life of Elizabeth Taylor). And it’s not that I don’t
have more than a little guilt about trying to surround myself with pretty
flowers and soaring cherubs.
But for now, it’s going to have to be this way. And I will get back
to writing my blog. While talking to my mom about this, she reminded me that in
a world of bad news, there’s nothing wrong with a little humor. A break from
the constant barrage of negative information that pummels us moment by moment
is not necessarily a negation of the trials in the lives of others. Light moments are essential when the
weight of the world is slowing our steps and threatening to stop us in our
tracks.
So I guess I’ll just continue doing what I do. As small and unimportant as it may be. And screw The
News for the next….few weeks. Of course, just this moment, my New York Times headlines update came up on my email...and what did I do? Okay...I'm working on it. It will be interesting to see how I sleep in the next few weeks.
And it would also be interesting to know how you balance the weight of the world with your need for personal peace. Tell me.
